11/24/18 Letter from home: Dialogue with God
At the prayer meeting, Brother Jacob’s prayer was one of the most sincere prayers I have ever heard. Right after his first sentence, I couldn’t help but to quickly jot it down:
Sometimes I feel like sleeping, but I also want to speak to You. It is getting cold… Sometimes I am reckless, but You are guiding me behind the scene. Thank You for enabling me to continue to go forward passionately. I don’t know if I am pleasing You with what I have done. You are the Creator, though we are so minute, we can still enjoy Your love and wonder. You give us breath of life, how precious is that…
Many friends and relatives are gone, yet we are still alive, what is there left that is worth for us to do? Hope to receive more revelation during our conversation…
All I can say is to be thankful. Looking into the past, and facing the future, this world is becoming more and more complicated, that is because we understand much more than before, if we can turn our focus on You, then it will become much simpler…
The above is Jacob’s prayer, the following is my diary in the last few days, most of them are also talking to myself and sometimes dialoguing with God:
Monday:
Because of jetlag, I woke up early with these words ringing in mind: A unified, loving and generational family, a culture of honor, a heart which pursues Father’s desire – let’s run towards these goals. Live a life like Jesus, finish the work He entrusted us and then one day receive a rich welcome into His eternal Kingdom. This is my encouragement to myself and my fellow pilgrims.
Tuesday:
It has been 4 days since I came back from Taiwan, still going through jetlag I woke up in the middle of the night. As I lay back down to sleep I wept in my prayer, “Father God, I love You, I love You, I love You, O, how I love You, I love You, I love you… ”
Over and over I called out to Him, love flooded up from the depth of my heart like spring, continuously telling Heavenly Father I love Him… And I continued, “Let Your love flow out of me without blockage, with no leak…”
On my bed, I curled up, laying sideways, pillowed my head on my hands putting together. I am not lonely, I am Daddy’s precious child, I can sense that Father God was also laying there, holding me in His arms….
Molica is still in Taiwan I am home alone. Raining on the outside, I could hear the “tic-tac” sound of the water dripping from the second floor gutter to the first floor roof, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. The light is dim, the room is peaceful and quiet, I closed my eyes, but reluctant to fall asleep now – only allow my overwhelmed waves of emotions to upsurge in the vast ocean of God’s love…
I went downstairs, picked up the pen to write, after finished writing I went back upstairs. The moment I went to bed, I couldn’t help but cry again, Heavenly Father never departed, He was in my room the whole time…
Thursday:
All these years as a believer and as a pastor, at this point of my life the greatest burden in my heart is to build a home for Heavenly Dad. Since when did I change…?! What has “Homecoming” brought to me? From an orphan I have become a son, and only a son can become a father…
My heart is filled with gratitude, I am grateful to Papa and Mama Gideon Chiu, Papa and Mama David Demian, and every parents, brothers and sisters all over the world that has the same heart desire. You have testified your life by living it out in maturity, focusing not on title, position, performance, not even on ministries…, but a life that is sweet, beautiful and fragrant, easy to be with…, and a heart that only wants to attend to Father God’s heart….
Thank You, Heavenly Dad, You are so awesome, You are able to reach down from heaven to touch the lost and hardened heart like Adam and Eve that hid behind the fig tree in the bushes… I love You, Dad, O, how I love You… I am totally satisfied, whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You… (Psalm 73:25) As I wrote, beautiful words began to flow out of my mouth, I wept as I wrote, love of God overflowing and overwhelmed me….